Serendipity that this book should come out while I am pregnant! I ordered The Nourishing Traditions Book of Child & Baby Care (available HERE) and had planned to read it while I babymoon but I couldn't resist and I cracked it open today. I am really glad that I did. You see, I have a dirty little secret that I have not talked about on the blog. I am having a c-section. It is not about convenience, it about being afraid of dying, and rationally fearful, too. My last delivery was a train wreck beginning to end and I ended up waking in the ICU the next morning on a ventilator, I kid you not. I have written a little about it before, see HERE, but I have tried to stay away from it all. It is pretty traumatic and unnecessarily frightening to other women, particularly those having children. I spent fifteen months recovering. We found out that I have a genetic blood clotting disorder that had never reared its ugly head before, but when it did, it was terrible. So, this pregnancy I have been taking injections of blood thinners and getting ready for another c-section. I went from raspberry leaf tea and midwives to maternal-fetal medicine specialists and intense medicalized birth. It is strange thing for me and fortunately they have been pretty understanding of me and my freaky-hippy ways.
But, I still feel very badly about the way my children are coming into the world. It is so detached and unnatural and not what my husband and I had ever wanted. C-sections are abused and abusive in some cases and certainly should not be the standard of care, I believe that still. But I also believe that they save lives, mothers and babies both, and should be reserved for the most serious of cases because of the risks they pose. It is hard not to feel badly about c-section and it really has been my little secret that I neglected to tell anyone at my WAPF meeting. I just didn't want to admit it. It's funny, because a very good friend (the most amazing and natural mother I have ever known) had an emergency c-section with her first when the baby's heart actually stopped during labor and I kept telling her to be grateful for the surgery. She later had a natural birth that I was privileged enough to witness. Yet, I could not give myself that peace.
So, tonight, for no reason other than to punish myself, I looked up c-sections in the book. I really thought I knew what I would find and I was completely wrong. The book is hopeful. The book is forgiving. The book is soothing. Sally Fallon Morell and Thomas S. Cowan, MD, discuss ways to come to terms with it, ways to ensure a successful breastfeeding relationship and no where do they treat it like the dirty secret I had. They discuss the entire medical process and other types of undesired but life-saving interventions with the same calm and rational tone and a reasonable balance. Yes, birth may be natural, birth may be beautiful, but the one thing it is not is risk-free. I think this book finds a balance that I was unwilling to give myself.
Finding the birth that I want in the birth that I need to have has not been easy but this book has gone a very long way to that goal. By the time the 13th rolls around, I will ready.
Interested in the very long and very detailed review of the book, chapter by chapter?
Find it HERE.
You are so brave. God has so many tricks for teaching us that we are not in control no matter what we do or how hard we try. It's a very uncomfortable lesson. You are handling it with grace. As you approach the baby's birth I have you in my thoughts and prayers frequently.
ReplyDeleteHon, would you mind sharing with me some of your thoughts on how you get to a place where you are able to trust the medical staff at the hospital? I, too, am the raspberry leaf/midwife type of birther (have had two wonderfully perfect homebirths) but am just feeling the pull to have this fourth baby in the hospital. No rational reason. In fact, every time I think about it, I tense up because my first hospital birth was so filled with tension and conflict because the staff was convinced of the dire and immediate need for monitors, interventions, pain meds, etc, and I had to fight to have the baby naturally. So...I don't want to go through that conflict again, but I don't know how to avoid it. Part of me thinks I need to just shut my trap and allow them to do whatever they're going to do, but the bottom line is that I just don't trust that they really know best. Any wisdom?
ReplyDeleteI had a very traumatic emergency c-section (after laboring for two days at home and pushing, unmedicated, for 2.5 hours at a birthing center...I wrote about it here: http://ahumbleplace.com/bs-birth-story/). I'm so glad you wrote about this book as I was a little afraid to read it for this very reason. I'll have to order it now too. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you enjoy your babymoon!
Reb, all the times I have seen you at the WAPF meetings and I had no idea! I am glad it helps you, too. That is a fantastic story. The honesty is humbling and I know exactly what you are talking about. I am so glad you shared it!
ReplyDeleteTienne, I can write more about that, it has been a process. Really. Trust is not something I am very good at!
ReplyDeleteI actually know of a few other women who were at the same birthing center as me (and had perfect, beautiful births) who attend the meetings, so it's not something I talk about.
ReplyDeleteI'd be interested to hear how you're handling trusting a hospital as well. I can't go back to the birthing center now because of the c-section, so we're looking at homebirth or a hospital....it's a difficult decision to make.
I figure if at the end you are healthy & you have a healthy baby that is all that matters. I had 2 natural births but without a C-section I wouldn't of been here & neither would my mother. C-sections are not what we would choose for ourselves but the alternative is not either.
ReplyDeleteAll that matters is at the end your family welcomes another baby & you are there for it.
Wishing you all the best for your upcoming birth xxx
In the end, the baby IS all the matters, right? Good point, Sarah!
DeleteMy friend had all 8 of her children c section. She was young with her first, and then told with her second she had no choice because of her first, and the rest is history. But she is very upbeat about it and would not trade all her 8 c-section babies for 2 perfectly "natural" homebirths anyday!
ReplyDeleteThank God for modern medicine when we need it!
You are right, it is a blessing to have modern medicine when we need it. Child birth used to be the leading cause of death for women and it no longer is. There are those situation when we need to sit back and say thank you. Great comment!
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