Thanksgiving in Food Mags...

What does this photo have to do with seven quick takes about food magazines? Nothing. I just like it. It is my five year old, Veronica. Her name was picked out by my oldest daughter months before her birth and then she was born with a stork bite in the shape of a "V" on her forehead. As soon as Maria saw it she yelled, "It's a sign from God, she is supposed to be Veronica!!" Well, most of the time we can't see it anymore, but you can here. So I am loving this pic. Anyway, moving on...

One of the things that has been bugging me are stupid food magazine nonsense about the up and coming holiday and what we should serve for the Thanksgiving feast. Since I love to cook, I always seem to get food magazine subscriptions for Christmas and birthdays. What I hate about these magazines is that they are often written by people who hate cooking for other people who hate cooking and all those people only will eat because otherwise they would die and would much rather eat food prepared by others. All the food mags are all about Thanksgiving right now and here are seven things that make me want to go throw things at the heads of food mag editors.

1. They feature vegetarian options,  or worse yet: vegan, as if we all have to provide them. Uh, nope. Here's the deal, this is America, this is an American holiday, and the traditional food for this holiday happens to be meat. Cope, people. If you do not eat meat, bring your own dish. That is what considerate guests do. Don't try spreading your vegetarian ways at my turkey dinner. Speaking of...

2. They feature cute alternatives to turkey, like smoked salmon, because it is avant garde. Seriously? Did somebody punch you in the head? It is not called Avant Garde Day, it is called Turkey Day, and for a reason. Namely the stinkin' turkey. If you want some smoked salmon, make sure the turkey is still the main attraction.

3. They feature at least one recipe from a celebrity. I do not care what Oprah's chef serves. I am not into lifestyles. I just want to eat. Give me a recipe by some ancient old lady whose pie won a blue ribbon in the Wisconsin state fair in '56. That's what I'm talkin' about.

4. They suggest low fat alternatives like non-fat condensed milk instead of cream. Okay, first up: what the heck? Like that even tastes the same. Secondly, fat is not bad! Last, can't we have one day where the fat-phobes take a break and go take a long, quiet walk? I will go through a gallon of cream that week but there will be zero cans of milk.

5. They suggest all sorts of short-cuts like instant pudding, whipped non-dairy topping and jarred gravy. Okay, this is Thanksgiving and not a festival of cancer. What is more, is can't people make the effort just one day out of 365? Just one?

6.They suggest ways to trick your guests into thinking your dish is homemade when it is a pile of boxed non-food. Your pile of boxed and canned food is fooling no one; you are only lying to yourself. And lying is sin. Even when you lie to yourself.

7. And most of all, the recipes are all supplied by sponsors like Kraft, Jello, Pilsbury and Campbells! That is why you have recipes like Apple-Snickers-Cool-Whip Salad (yep, I had to fake eating that once at a party) and  Ranch-Dip-Veggie-Cresent-Pinwheels (also brought to another party by the same perpetrator).

So, what are your least favorite magazine suggestions?

Linking up to Fat Tuesday!